I'll be the first to admit that I'm a big Godzilla fan and have been since I begged my father to take me to see "Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster" back when I was eight-years-old (a brave and generous move on his part). He had no idea what the film was about and told me that I had to keep my eyes open for the whole movie (I did, except during the preview for "Tales From the Crypt" which was quite spooky for a kid my age in those days of the early 70's), and of course there was absolutely nothing at all scary about Godzilla.
The creature (clearly a man in a rubber suit) was even campier than the original who had debuted some eighteen years earlier in the original "Godzilla" (better known in native Japan as "Gojira" — the domestic release hit American shores two years later with added Raymond Burr scenes), but the big guy was still as much fun. Equally goofy and charming, and eons before Barney or "Jurassic Park" was even a glint in their creators' eyes, the big, lumbering fella (with a penchant for throwing in some martial arts moves), entertained kids of all ages with appearances in some twenty-two films.
So, with much excitement and trepidation about how the filmmakers were going to update my childhood favorite, I attended the screening. Well, to no one's surprise, the guy in the rubber suit is gone (replaced by computer generated images), they have reduced Godzilla's height (from the original 400 feet), and he's been changed into something of a hermaphrodite. This new condition — which would make for an interesting topic on a midday talk show, "My childhood movie monster is now a he/she" — not only adds some extra complications for this movie, but opens the doors for the inevitable sequel.
That said, this isn't your father's Godzilla, and unlike the big lug from the past, this one is anything but loveable. Essentially a supped up, oversized byproduct of an iguana mixed with a T-Rex, Godzilla is now nothing more than a wild animal on the loose. The filmmakers, however, and for whatever reason, have removed any sort of "fun" personality traits, and instead have made the creature quite intelligent without any proper explanation. Not only is he able to dodge missiles fired at him, but he's also smart enough to lead a volley of torpedoes back toward the attacking subs (he must have watched "Jurassic Park" and figured he must outdo the raptors who -- also inexplicably -- figured out how to open doors in that film).
That's not the biggest problem, however, as director and co-writer Roland Emmerich ("Independence Day," "Stargate") along with his producing partner and co-writer Dean Devlin (with the same credits) have taken this movie's slogan of "Size Does Matter" a bit too seriously. That, combined with the sloppiness and errors usually found in early Screenwriting 101 projects, makes for a Godzilla with a lot of bark, but little bite.
Just like any novice screenwriters are apt to do (and just like they did in "Independence Day"), Emmerich and Devlin have liberally "borrowed" so many scenes from other movies — and then just increased their amplitude — that this should be case study of how not to write a screenplay. Of course this film will make a gazillion or so dollars at the box office thus insuring that these two won't care and that future filmmakers will copy this formula.
For those who do care about the cinematic pillaging, here's a quick look at the looting spree.
From "King Kong" they've obviously borrowed the New York "concrete jungle island" concept and have replaced biplanes with helicopters and jet fighters for the big finale atop another landmark piece of architecture.
From "Jaws" they not only steal and then modify the film's best line, "We're gonna need a bigger boat" (substituting gun for boat), but they also lift the scene of the creature destroying a dock and nearly getting the man on it. Additionally, they copy the scene where Bruce the shark pulls the Orca backwards through the water while Robert Shaw and company try to cut the lines. Here, they've made it three boats that get pulled under water (because, you see, Godzilla is bigger than a great white shark -- don't forget that saying about "size").
The most obvious pilfering, however, obviously comes from the "Jurassic Park" movies. Not only has Godzilla been sent to Weight Watchers (he always was a little chunky), but he's been remodeled into just a bigger and meaner T-Rex. Of course that doesn't prevent him from chasing after vehicles just like in "Jurassic" (including nudging a taxi with his head), nor does it keep the filmmakers from stealing the horrific thundering footsteps that made water ripple in Spielberg's film, but here have to make cabs bounce off the street.
Finally, there's a whole long sequence that just an amplification of the wonderful raptor scene from "Jurassic," where we have scores of similar looking critters that look and behave just the same (screeching, banging at and denting doors, snapping at each other, etc...). Come to think of it, they should have just named this movie "Jurassic Central Park."
The bad part about all of that is the scenes don't have as much impact as they should since we've already seen them in other movies. Worse yet is that Emmerich and Devlin were so busy raiding those other movies that they forgot to pay attention to the rest of their script that should have included an interesting plot and non-stereotypical, developed characters.
Essentially a find and chase or be found and chased by Godzilla (or other creatures) plot, there's little room for anything else. A subplot about a failed romance between the human leads is given neither the time nor thought to be anything near convincing, and as an afterthought it only bogs down the film's momentum.
Not surprisingly, the performances are quite wooden, with Matthew Broderick ("Addicted To Love," "Ferris Bueller's Day Off") leading them off in his horribly miscast role. I'm assuming that the filmmakers were going for that Jeff Goldblum type of quirky nerd performance, but as much as I've liked Broderick's previous performances, he's the wrong guy for the part. Instead of Goldblum's fun reactions, we're left with Ferris and his limited array of astonished expressions.
Jean Reno ("The Professional," "Mission Impossible") brings some class to the cast -- and presumably is supposed to be the macho hero -- but his character is so underwritten he can't do much with it. Maria Pitillo ("Bye, Bye Love") is not very good in her stereotypically written role, and even Hank Azaria ("The Birdcage") is left high and dry from the lackluster writing.
Perhaps sensing this, Emmerich and Devlin try to throw in some humor, but like most of the rest of the film, it falls flat. Attempts include Reno's French character continually complaining about American coffee, people mispronouncing Nick's last name, and repetitiously boring bits featuring the "thumbs up" Mayor who's named Ebert, and his partially bald assistant Gene (gee, I wonder who they're supposed to be?) that aren't anywhere near being funny and certainly didn't elicit even a chuckle from our audience.
The only thing that works in the film are the special effects and fortunately they are quite spectacular. Forgetting for a moment the "Jurassic Park" comparisons, the scenes of Godzilla racing and smashing his way through Manhattan are a lot of fun as is most of the end of the movie (as long as you can turn your brain off — the creature that can outrun an attack helicopter can't catch a taxi driving down a debris filled street). Kudos should go to cinematographer Ueli Steiger and effects supervisor Volker Engel (and his company of visual artists) for capturing and creating some wild cinema.
Unfortunately, effects alone don't make for a good movie. If Emmerich and Devlin had created some original set pieces (instead of stealing, borrowing or paying homage to others), the film might have been more enjoyable. Yet there are so many other plot and character problems scattered throughout the production that even such remedies probably wouldn't have saved the picture.
Moderately thrilling whenever Godzilla is on screen, but comatose when he or his offspring are not, the film might fit the bill for those looking for brain dead escapist pleasures, but will probably insult nearly everyone else's intelligence just as is expected from a summer blockbuster film. We give "Godzilla" a 3.5 out of 10.