Much like any holiday gift that you dread opening because you already know what's inside the wrapping and are positive you won't like it, Disney's "I'll Be Home For Christmas" is a lackluster attempt to mine moviegoers who may already be in the holiday spirit.
Apparently hoping that lightning might strike twice by casting yet another (and now former) cast member from TV's "Home Improvement" in a Christmas-based movie, the filmmakers -- director Arlene Sanford ("A Very Brady Sequel") and freshmen screenwriters Harris Goldberg & Tom Nursall -- have made two (actually many, but we're focusing here) big judgement errors.
First, while Tim Allen (from the afore mentioned TV show) is far from being a good actor, he seems like Anthony Hopkins compared to teen idol Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Secondly, while Allen's holiday film, "The Santa Clause," wasn't much more than cute, it seems like an Oscar worthy candidate when lined up with this formulaic production.
Essentially a road movie where the college student meets a bunch of "wacky" characters while trying to get across the country, the film uses the whole Christmas notion as just a simple plot element instead of capturing those warm, fuzzy holiday feelings usually found in similarly timed films. Beyond the standard assortment of Christmas songs on the soundtrack, JTT easily could have been stuck dressed as a certain bunny trying to get home for Easter without the story losing much of anything.
Of course, the end of the year is that magical time when people learn that they've been wrong or misguided (such as with "It's A Wonderful Life" and the many other "Christmas Carol" based films), so there's very little surprise when our self-absorbed college boy learns to be a better guy by the story's end.
The problem is, we don't care. Well, that's not exactly true. His young female fans probably care -- you know, the ones who've collected every picture they can find of him and whose bodies start hyperactively bouncing when they catch a glimpse of his golden boy looks -- but their concern is probably only about seeing him on screen. He could be playing a CPA and they'd still sit there and swoon.
Unfortunately, the rest of us can't quite grasp that same feeling, and thus are stuck watching this decidedly unlikeable fellow for some ninety minutes. Granted, Thomas' character has been constructed in a young Scrooge-type fashion so that he can have the standard issue holiday transformation at the end, but even that feels contrived and certainly not substantial enough for us to start caring about him.
Beyond the main character, the rest of those present are pure cardboard cutouts, each playing their part to a T, with most of the background characters looking like they're still in high school (perhaps that explains the lockers in the college hallways).
Anyway, there's Allie, the pretty girlfriend who, for unknown reasons, sticks it out with her obnoxious boyfriend despite the way he treats her. As played by Jessica Biel ("Ulee's Gold," TV's "7th Heaven"), the young actress can't do much with her wooden character other than look pretty, which she does quite well.
Of course there has to be the creep character, and that part goes to Adam LaVorgna ("Beautician and the Beast") as Eddie. Cut from the same cardboard (or wood, the preference is yours) as Allie, the character goes through the standard motions and pulls no surprises even when he momentarily seems like he's an okay guy.
The rest are all throwaway parts, including Sean O'Bryan as the typical not so bright cop with wife problems, Andrew Lauer as the local buffoon, and Gary Cole, who parodied this sort of character and role in the "Brady Bunch" movies, as the concerned father.
The plot, while serviceable, isn't much more than a lame variation of the Steve Martin/John Candy film, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" or any other road flick where a character encounters various obstacles while trying to reach his or her destination. For our "enjoyment," we get to see Jake catch a ride with a carful of elderly Tom Jones fans, a bungling, but good-hearted fencer, a gaseous dog, as well as him participating in a Santa-only 5K run.
While all of that fortunately keeps the plot moving at a decent clip, it's pretty lame material. Even so, the film's target audience probably won't mind, and overall the film has its heart in the right place. It's just too bad a little more thought and effort didn't go into making the production more special and/or capture more of that Christmas feel.
Certain never to be considered a holiday classic, this one will probably be long gone from the theaters before Rudolph and old Saint Nick start making their rounds this year. We give "I'll Be Home For Christmas" a 2.5 out of 10.