Ever since director Quentin Tarantino made crime films hip and popular once again (with "Reservoir Dogs" and "Pulp Fiction"), the slate of would-be imitators continues to grow and "Suicide Kings," a kidnaping with a twist story, is the latest incarnation. From its purposefully scratched and voguish opening credits, through its profanity laden plot and final twists and turns, this is a film that desperately wants to be stylish. Unfortunately, it's not and its obvious attempts at being hip only serve to further undermine what little credibility it possesses.
The initial plot concept, however, shows some potential. Some silver spooned, twenty-something guys kidnap a former mafioso and plan to use him to solve their own kidnaping dilemma. As they carry out their plan, the hostage slowly begins to play mental mind games with them, while his gun-toting hitman draws closer to finding the perpetrators. That, and the fact that one or more of the kidnapers may actually be double-crossing the others all sounds quite good on paper.
It's too bad it didn't stay there. Directed by Peter O'Fallon (making his big screen debut after helming episodes of TV's "Party of Five") and written by Wayne Rice and Gina Goldman, the film comes off as anything but believable and only offers tiny tidbits of suspense that might barely hold one's attention. The biggest problem comes from the plot construction and following character motivation.
Granted, I can accept that these young guys might be desperate enough to think up such a plan, but it's doubtful that all four (and later a reluctant fifth) would agree to carry out such a preposterous notion. While I can also accept that since they're not professional criminals they won't have planned everything out -- which should lead to some fun when they later must deal with Barrett's "worldliness" -- but they've overlooked the obvious first rule of kidnaping. Don't let the hostage know who you are.
These guys don't even remotely attempt that (by either being masked themselves or blindfolding the hostage) and even introduce themselves to their unknowing victim. Then they later tell him their personal stories and even get cozy in a game of poker with him. What are they -- and better yet, the filmmakers -- thinking? That this well-feared capo will just forget about being kidnaped and losing a finger and attribute it to "boys just being boys?"
Now, I could buy into the premise if a) they planned on killing Walken's character in the end no matter what -- which obviously isn't true -- or b) they were a bunch of sick, demented characters who get their jollies from kidnaping a dangerous man, cutting off his finger, and generally playing Russian roulette with a "loaded" ex-Mafioso. The latter also isn't true, and these guys simply (and I purposefully use that term) come off as rejects from the low I.Q. ward and not the sons of some prominent and obviously affluent parents.
Thus, and unless you're below -- or at best on par with these guys on a mental level -- you'll never believe the story for one moment. No matter what kind of make believe a movie tries to present -- be it dinosaurs, space aliens, ghosts, or silver-spooned kidnapers -- if it can't make you believe in the premise, then it's lost its audience. The only thing that keeps this film from being so unintentionally bad that it's funny is that the people behind it think it's a hip, Tarantino- like film. Sorry, but it's not even remotely close.
There are two precise reasons for that and they involve well-written dialogue and interesting characters. "Pulp Fiction" had tremendous depth in both, while this film has neither. For a story that involves a hostage taped to a chair who's surrounded by five guys who slowly discover that they are way in over their heads, the dialogue is surprisingly and disappointedly flat. There are few witty remarks and absolutely no "fun" exchanges between the characters. Trying to imitate "Pulp Fiction's" interesting, but nearly pointless discussions about Big Macs and other hamburger trivia, this film delivers a never-ending discussion about Denis Leary's $1,500 stingray boots that's not even close in style or quality.
Speaking of Leary ("The Matchmaker," "Two If By Sea"), his is the only character who's halfway interesting. Nonetheless, it's just the same old, irritated, ready to explode at any moment, rapid- fire delivery of dialogue routine that the comic turned actor has perfected so well. Even so, he does have some funny moments and bits of dialogue to deliver, but not enough to save this picture.
Walken ("Last Man Standing") is somewhat disappointing considering his usual panache for playing twisted characters. Although we're told that he's a really dangerous guy, he rarely appears menacing and these young kidnapers -- who should be terrified to be in the same room with him after really pissing him off -- cozy up to him like their favorite uncle. Of course the film also allows each character to be alone in the room with Barrett so that he can try to screw up their minds, but even these predictable moments lack any real fireworks. Walken's character is never convincing, and we're robbed of what should have been some "fun" scenes where he takes these young punks to task for what they're doing. Granted he's been drugged and is reportedly slowly bleeding to death, but we neither worry about his condition nor find him that intriguing.
The performers who inhabit the kidnapers -- including Henry Thomas (Eliot from "E.T."), Sean Patrick Flanery (TV's "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles"), Jay Mohr ("Picture Perfect," "Jerry Maguire") and Jeremy Sisto ("White Squall," "Clueless") -- do an okay enough job to differentiate themselves from each other. Yet they never make you believe these guys are anything near being close friends, and there are no standout performances to be found among them.
Unless, of course you consider Johnny Galecki's ("I Know What You Did Last Summer") take on what George Costanza (Jason Alexander's character on "TV's "Seinfeld") would have been like as a twenty-something son of rich parents. Neurotically more obsessed with his friends taking off their shoes in his father's home than with the presence of a bound hostage, we assumed he's supposed to be funny like Costanza, but he only comes off as constantly irritating.
The same holds true for scenes involving the "other" kidnapers. We're "treated" to scenes of them arguing over using the TV's remote control and then get to see one nearly kill the other (with a loaded gun to the head) over that. Is that supposed to make us believe these guys are dangerously unstable, or just two idiots glued to the TV?
Such odd moments also include seeing Denis Leary's character pummel a man with a toaster (presumably to make us also think he's dangerous although we've already come to that conclusion), Walken telling a story about his canine consumption solution for some troublesome neighbors (dogs eating raw, human meat), and a 1970's flashback where we see a long-haired Walken (funny just for the sight) save a prostitute who barely figures into the main story.
The film does try to offer some concluding plot twists and turns that explain what's actually happened and the true motivations of those involved, but the moments aren't that shocking and the very end of the film is unbelievable and preposterously hokey. When some of the kidnapers begin to cry as the revelations are made (accompanied by the melodramatic score that's extremely overused throughout the production), the moment becomes utterly ridiculous.
The biggest problem is that the filmmakers are trying too hard to be hip, and while a few moments are okay, most come off as cheap imitations of material that Tarantino would have left on the cutting room floor. It's time these people work to make their own films with their own individualized voices, instead of trying to make a Tarantino film. Wasting an interesting premise that had potential, as well as a decent cast, this wannabe movie falls way short and lands hard due to its obvious self-belief that it's going to be good. Instead, it slowly becomes nothing more than a monotonous retreading of other similar films. When Walken's character tells his kidnapers, "Guys, if I don't bleed to death soon, I'm gonna die from boredom," you might just understand exactly how he feels. We give "Suicide Kings" a 2.5 out of 10.