Long ago in the days of "an eye for an eye" and "a tooth for a tooth," the penal system of the times insured that a thief's hand would be cut off not only to punish the culprit, but also to make sure that he wouldn't physically be able to commit the crime again. While such practices are still reportedly used in some countries, I've come to the realization and belief that such punishment needs to be instituted in Hollywood.
"Idle Hands," which is easily one of the worst films of the year, is all the proof needed to show that everyone involved in its production -- from novice screenwriters Terri Hughes and Ron Milbauer to the studio executive who signed on the dotted line to give it the green light -- should receive that hand treatment to prevent them from ever being allowed to produce and release such trash.
A poorly executed and disjointed rip-off that combines elements from "Body Parts," "The Hand" and "An American Werewolf in London (the latter of which it tries to emulate in being both funny and scary), this picture surprisingly starts with an effectively spooky opening, but then quickly falls apart faster than the dead bodies that later appear.
Granted, it's not difficult to realize that the film isn't even remotely trying to be serious and I can appreciate goofy irreverence as much as the next guy. Yet, any film, no matter how weird or outrageous its premise, must follow the rules of its own universe. As such, while we'll accept that a teen's hand gets possessed -- even if there's no explanation or reason to believe so -- and that it might scamper away after being severed from the rest of the arm, the fact that the filmmakers then have it defy basic physics becomes maddeningly insulting to the moviegoer.
First off, a hand without any means of locomotion beyond "finger walking" shouldn't be able to fly through the air like Superman, let alone somehow manage to get a young woman on top of a car, tie her there (with the rope going around her and the car several times) and then overpower several guys trying to force a lever in the opposite direction when it's simply holding onto that lever. That doesn't even take into account scenes where that hand grabs a guy by his face and then slams it against a window or where it tears the scalp from another man's head while sitting atop it.
Sure, that might seem like nitpicking when we accept a headless corpse carrying its own fully functional, but severed head around, etc... but such insulting and lazy writing and directing is more than a little annoying and becomes exceedingly irritating as the film unfolds.
The same holds true for lifting scenes and related material from other films, and it's quite obvious that first-time screenwriters Terri Hughes and Ron Milbauer, along with director Rodman Flender ("Leprechaun 2," various TV shows) watched and raided plenty of other films for "inspiration" while making this one.
Beyond the basic plot that's, oh, just a tad similar to the bad hand stories of "Body Parts" and "The Hand," the film also lifts elements from "An American Werewolf in London" (the dead and decomposing but wisecracking friend), "Beetlejuice" (jokes related to bodily injury such as smoke coming out from gaping neck wounds), and "Gremlins" (where a hand gets the microwave treatment instead of a nasty Gremlin).
Being a teenage-based film, it must, of course, end at a high school dance (like a gazillion other films have done in the past few years). Then there are the all too obvious similarities to the fabulous physical gags of Steve Martin battling his own body in "All of Me," having some students crawl through huge air ducts and then dealing with a huge and rapidly spinning ventilation fan (from many movies such as "Die Hard"), while another shot is stolen directly from "The Shining" (where a floor mounted camera looks up at a possessed character with his head against the door he wishes to open).
With director Flender cutting his filmmaking teeth under the tutelage of low budget, "B" movie guru, Roger Corman, none of that or the fact that the rest of the movie and its plot are underdeveloped should come as much of a surprise. As such, we never know why Anton's hand gets possessed, why his friends come back from the dead while his parents don't (which might have been fun to have his dead parents hanging around and nagging him), or much of anything about the woman hunting down the hand-loving evil spirit.
In addition, the dialogue is stupid and/or insipid -- "I'm gonna call 911. What's the number?" -- and the acting just as bad. Devon Sawa ("Wild America," "SLC Punk!") gives it his best shot with the physical comedy (reminding one of a less-inspired version of Steve Martin battling Lily Tomlin for control of his body in "All of Me"), but doesn't remotely come close to delivering as much "stoner" fun as, say, Sean Penn in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
Seth Green ("Can't Hardly Wait") and Elden Henson ("The Mighty") can't do much with their stereotypically written and underdeveloped roles, while Jessica Alba ("Never Been Kissed") fares even worse as the sluttish next door neighbor. Vivica A. Fox ("Independence Day") is likewise completely wasted in a performance that seemingly ended more on the cutting room floor than in the final product (which is good because what's present is horribly contrived and the stuff of which easily kills acting careers).
Although we realize that the filmmakers never intended for this to be an Oscar worthy film, as a horror/comedy hybrid, it just doesn't work. While the special effects are appropriately gory -- if a bit on the low budget-looking side considering what's now available -- the film's jokes are lame and unimaginative and the horror quickly loses its bite after a promising opening.
With enough inane material for several bad films, a heavy pounding rock soundtrack and a pretty girl occasionally seen in skimpy clothes, the film will obviously appeal to thirteen to seventeen- year-old male teens looking for some escapist entertainment that's both fun and mindless.
Unfortunately, the latter part of that description is all that's accurate for this film that tries to emulate the formula and success of "An American Werewolf in London," but that falls way short. We give "Idle Hands" a 1 out of 10.