It used to be that the official dress code at a Hollywood power lunch -- where movie ideas are bandied about like items on the menu -- was an Armani suit, a Ferragamo tie, some Bally shoes, and a Rolex watch. Not anymore. All of that slick glamour has been replaced by heavy duty boots, overalls and a hard hat with one of those large flashlights mounted on it. And at the end of the day when those Hollywood types return home after a hard day's work, they're welcomed by the strains of their children singing "I'm proud to be an oldie miner's daughter."
No, that's not Loretta Lynn or even Sissy Spacek's song. It's the anthem sung by kids of Studio miners who are once again busy digging through entertainment's past looking, hoping and praying that they'll find that diamond in the rough. With so much historical excavation occurring, you'd think the officials of Los Angeles would be worried that all the ruthless digging might trigger another earthquake.
While such mining expeditions occasionally hit gold (the aggressively silly and sarcastic remake of "The Brady Bunch") or mange to dig up some old but sturdy gems and polish them to such a shine that the audience can't resist them ("Mission Impossible"), more often than not the results are nothing but crud ("My Favorite Martian") or foul-smelling sludge ("McHale's Navy").
Although it falls somewhere between those two, the recent unearthing and dusting off of the thirty-year-old "The Mod Squad," is yet another example of something that would have best been left alone. Originally airing on ABC, the one-time Emmy nominated show ran from 1968 to 1973, and starred Peggy Lipton, Clarence Williams III and Michael Cole as the bad kids turned cops. Known more for fashionable apparel and cool attitudes -- thus the title -- than any of its episode's plots, this series seems an odd choice as an archaeological dig into Hollywood's past.
First, most of the film's target audience -- those under the age of twenty-five or so -- weren't born when the show went off the air and probably don't even remember much of it from its syndicated reruns, thus giving the film considerably less than needed name recognition.
When you remake "Star Trek" or "Leave it to Beaver," people know what they're getting (although that doesn't always ensure it will be good). When you remake "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis," today's young audience will be scratching their heads in bewilderment.
Second, although the TV series fit in perfectly with the rebellious atmosphere and expressive clothing choices of the late 60's and early 70's, its general concept was pretty stupid (bad kids getting to be cops -- yeah sure, like that's going to happen). Unfortunately, that problem was scooped up with the rest of the dig and, when coupled with a story that's as old and cliched as the fossils that float up in the nearby La Brea tar pits, clearly means this ain't gonna be no diamond.
Despite the addition of more "adult" violence, profanity, sex and nudity, the film constantly feels like a lumpy retreading that bumps and bounces all over the place but never gets anywhere. Of course it doesn't help that due to the film's setup, we don't like the protagonists. While a handful of films can get away with that if they have enough panache, this one doesn't.
Because of not liking these three characters, we don't care what happens to them or the tired and cliche-ridden case they're trying to solve. Ooh, some bad cops are dealing drugs. Gee, where have I seen that several thousand times before?
Now, one can suppose that writer/director Scott Silver (whose only previous work was the barely released male prostitute drama, "Johns") and fellow co-writers Stephen Kay ("The Last Time I Committed Suicide") and Kate Lanier ("Set It Off") assume that teen audiences will automatically identify with the protagonists by default since they're also adolescents. While there may be some merit to that argument, that by itself doesn't mean they'll like the movie and they shouldn't.
To their credit, the filmmakers do try to insert some humor, but none of it's great. Nonetheless, we're "treated" to a running gag about Pete slowly but surely destroying Linc's convertible and also get to see Ribisi's character barking like a dog at a dog mural on the wall (which makes us wonder if that's in his contract after similarly barking in "The Other Sister" -- and he did wear dog tags in "Saving Private Ryan" -- a trend or mere coincidence?).
Then there's an odd moment where a criminal rock manager, played by Michael Lerner ("Godzilla") makes Linc -- the super cool, but aloof and often angry dude -- slow dance with him, although we never really learn why. Despite a brief jab at the teen heartthrob pop group Hanson that does work, it and the rest clearly can't make up for the weak script stemming from an initial bad idea.
Considering the material, the performances are okay, but suffer from weak character development and the repeated fact that we don't like any of the characters. Claire Danes ("William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet") has always been a favorite of mine -- partly because she's just so darn cute and bubbly, but also because she's a decent actress -- and one has to give her credit for trying a grittier role than she's played before. The results are okay, but she shouldn't stick too long with characters like this.
Omar Epps ("Scream 2," "Higher Learning") shows a great deal of potential and gets to play the best character (the one formally inhabited by Mr. Cool himself, Clarence Williams III) , but he likewise suffers from yet another case of underdevelopment. Meanwhile, Giovanni Ribisi ("Saving Private Ryan," "The Other Sister") does yet another take on his somewhat befuddled character (that he also did on TV's "Friends") and which is starting to get a bit old.
While Josh Brolin ("Nightwatch") is rather flat as Julie's former love and current bad guy, the more talented Steve Harris (TV's "The Practice") and the always fun to watch Dennis Farina ("Out of Sight," "Get Shorty") either have minuscule parts or are removed too prematurely from the proceedings.
The lackluster plot -- that does take time to have a character run across the tops of cars during a chase and spends lots of time showing the three pondering their futures in inter-cut montages -- doesn't even show much of an attempt to make its far-fetched concept believable.
Nor does it answer why these bad kids aren't automatically thrown back into jail upon the sudden demise of their lone backer or that they don't immediately hit the streets and disappear. While we can see that the trio would eventually band together out of necessity, had we been more knowledgeable about them and why they went bad, then perhaps we would have cared more about them, their mission and the overall film.
Of course, being "The Mod Squad," the film is more interested in being hip than any of that, and while it doesn't even quite succeed at living up to its descriptive name, it does feature a near nonstop soundtrack whose sales might just offset what should be a disappointing run at the box office. This disjointed and haphazard feeling film -- a classic case of unnecessary entertainment strip mining -- never should have been made and the memory of its predecessor should have remained undisturbed in its ancient Hollywood tomb. We give "The Mod Squad" a 2 out of 10.