SCREEN IT! PARENTAL REVIEW: LOVE DON'T COST A THING

"LOVE DON'T COST A THING"
(2003) (Nick Cannon, Christina Milian) (PG-13)

Alcohol/ Drugs	Blood/Gore	Disrespectful/ Bad Attitude	Frightening/ Tense Scenes	Guns/ Weapons
Mild	Minor	Heavy	None	None

Imitative Behavior	Jump Scenes	Music (Scary/Tense)	Music (Inappropriate)	Profanity
Moderate	None	None	Moderate	Moderate

Sex/ Nudity	Smoking	Tense Family Scenes	Topics To Talk About	Violence
*Heavy	None	None	Moderate	Mild

QUICK TAKE:: Comedy: A teenager agrees to help the most popular girl in school fix her mom's damaged SUV in exchange for her posing as his girlfriend for two weeks.

PLOT:

Alvin Johnson (NICK CANNON) is a high school student who's good with cars but lousy with girls. He fantasizes about cheerleader Paris Morgan (CHRISTINA MILIAN), the most popular girl at his school, but he's all but invisible to her and her stuck-up friends Yvonne (NICHOLE ROBINSON) and Zoe (MELISSA SCHUMAN), except when jock Ted (AL THOMPSON) makes fun of him.

Thus, he seems relegated to hanging out with his fellow nerdy friends Walter (KENAN THOMPSON), Kenneth (KAL PENN) and Chuck (KEVIN CHRISTY) and getting unwelcome sexual advice from his father, Clarence (STEVE HARVEY). His fortunes change, however, when he discovers that Paris has wrecked her mom's SUV and is in a bind for repairing it before she returns home.

Alvin then decides to offer to pay for the replacement part and do the labor himself in exchange for her posing as his girlfriend for two weeks so that he'll look popular and fit in with the in-crowd. She's naturally reluctant to this arrangement - not only because he's a nobody and she thinks all he wants is sex, but also due to her having a boyfriend, NBA player Dru (ELIMU NELSON) - but eventually agrees out of desperation.

When they then start acting like a couple at school, none of their friends can believe it. With some eventual coaching from her, Alvin then starts to adopt a cool, hip-hop demeanor and appearance, eventually making him quite popular with the other students. Yet, that comes at the expense of his former friends. From that point on and as Paris starts to fall for him, Alvin must decide whether to continue the charade or just be his former self.

WILL KIDS WANT TO SEE IT?: Some may be enticed by the teen angle/material, while others who are fans of anyone in the cast might be interested in it.

WHY THE MPAA RATED IT: PG-13: For sexual content/humor.

CAST AS ROLE MODELS:: NICK CANNON plays an average high school student who's good with cars but lousy with girls. He then makes an arrangement with Paris where he'll fix her mom's wrecked SUV in exchange for her acting like his boyfriend and making him popular. Once that occurs, he allows that popularity to go to his head and starts to ignore his old friends.
CHRISTINA MILIAN plays the most popular girl in school, a cheerleader who agrees to the ruse out of desperation. She eventually begins to fall for Alvin but becomes troubled by his new attitude.
KENAN THOMPSON, KAL PENN and KEVIN CHRISTY play his longtime best friends who become perturbed with him when he changes and no longer has time for them. They think and talk about sex at various times.
NICHOLE ROBINSON and MELISSA SCHUMAN play Paris' best friends, some snobby girls who look down on Alvin until he suddenly appears popular.
STEVE HARVEY plays Alvin's father who's decided it's time to teach his boy about sex and condom use.
AL THOMPSON plays a jock who is mean to and makes fun of Alvin and his friends.; CHRISTINA MILIAN plays the most popular girl in school, a cheerleader who agrees to the ruse out of desperation. She eventually begins to fall for Alvin but becomes troubled by his new attitude.
KENAN THOMPSON, KAL PENN and KEVIN CHRISTY play his longtime best friends who become perturbed with him when he changes and no longer has time for them. They think and talk about sex at various times.
NICHOLE ROBINSON and MELISSA SCHUMAN play Paris' best friends, some snobby girls who look down on Alvin until he suddenly appears popular.
STEVE HARVEY plays Alvin's father who's decided it's time to teach his boy about sex and condom use.
AL THOMPSON plays a jock who is mean to and makes fun of Alvin and his friends.; KENAN THOMPSON, KAL PENN and KEVIN CHRISTY play his longtime best friends who become perturbed with him when he changes and no longer has time for them. They think and talk about sex at various times.
NICHOLE ROBINSON and MELISSA SCHUMAN play Paris' best friends, some snobby girls who look down on Alvin until he suddenly appears popular.
STEVE HARVEY plays Alvin's father who's decided it's time to teach his boy about sex and condom use.
AL THOMPSON plays a jock who is mean to and makes fun of Alvin and his friends.; NICHOLE ROBINSON and MELISSA SCHUMAN play Paris' best friends, some snobby girls who look down on Alvin until he suddenly appears popular.
STEVE HARVEY plays Alvin's father who's decided it's time to teach his boy about sex and condom use.
AL THOMPSON plays a jock who is mean to and makes fun of Alvin and his friends.; STEVE HARVEY plays Alvin's father who's decided it's time to teach his boy about sex and condom use.
AL THOMPSON plays a jock who is mean to and makes fun of Alvin and his friends.; AL THOMPSON plays a jock who is mean to and makes fun of Alvin and his friends.

CAST, CREW, & TECHNICAL INFO

HOW OTHERS RATED THIS MOVIE

Curious if this title is entertaining, any good, and/or has any artistic merit?
Then read OUR TAKE of this film.

(Note: The "Our Take" review of this title examines the film's artistic merits and does not take into account any of the possibly objectionable material listed below).

OUR WORD TO PARENTS:

The following is a quick look at the content found in this comedy that's been rated PG-13. Profanity includes various non-explicit slang terms for sex and genitalia of both sexes, while other expletives and colorful phrases are also uttered.

A great deal of non-explicit, sexually related dialogue is present (some in songs and including references to masturbation, condom use, etc.), and various young women are seen in small, tight and/or revealing attire (that shows varying amounts of skin). They use their sexual wiles on male students (and act/move in sexualized fashions) while the males think and talk about sex, and some brief fooling around occurs.

Various characters have varying degrees of bad attitudes, some pushing of others occurs, and some imitative behavior is present. A few characters drink and there's a brief drug reference. Should you still be concerned about the film's appropriateness for yourself or anyone else in your home, you may want to look more closely at our detailed listings for more specific information regarding the film's content.

ALCOHOL OR DRUG USE: A young woman suggestively asks Paris' NBA boyfriend, Dru, if he feels like popping a cork (while holding a bottle of champagne, but said as a double entendre).
When Alvin's sister sees how he's acting (about having Paris as his fake girlfriend), she tells their parents that Alvin is taking drugs and hallucinating. She later repeats the drug accusation again.
Alvin shows others what looks like a beer tap that's been installed inside a car.
Alvin and another guy have beer from a keg at a beach party.

BLOOD/GORE: We see that the seat of Alvin's pants is wet (presumably from sweating while sitting on a plastic covered couch).
We hear a farting sound when Alvin's friends playfully pile on top of him.

DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE: Various students, including Ted, make fun of Alvin when he falls into a pool and then throughout much of the film until Alvin suddenly becomes "cool."
Paris' NBA boyfriend, Dru, responds to the TV interview question of whether he has a girlfriend and replies that he's a free agent.
A jock makes a disparaging gay remark at Walter.
Paris lies to her parents about taking out their SUV while they're gone, ends up wrecking it and then races to fix it before they get home a few days later.
Paris' friends have bad/disrespectful attitudes toward Alvin and her apparently now dating him (they look down on him).
A guy refers to Alvin as a "retard" and wonders why Paris is volunteering for Special Ed.
Alvin doesn't have time for his old friends once he becomes popular.
Alvin is disrespectful towards and makes fun of Paris while purposefully breaking up with her in school in front of other students.
Yvonne isn't a good friend to Paris as she moves in on Alvin less than a day after he dumps Paris.
Alvin stands up his friends.
Dru tells his friends (about him cheating on Paris while away) "What goes on the road stays on the road."
Ted confronts Alvin's friends at a basketball game, blames them for the team losing and orders that they move.

FRIGHTENING SCENES: None.

GUNS/WEAPONS: None.

IMITATIVE BEHAVIOR: Phrases: "Chicks," "Punk," "One hell of a jump," "Kick our asses," "Losers," "Shut up, you bride of chucky-looking extraterrestrial," "Dork," "(Oh) Hell no," "Hell yeah," "Don't hate the player, hate the game," "Bozo," "Have you lost your mind?" "Retard," "You're bugging," "Nuts" and "Balls" (testicles), "Dumb asses," "What a wankster," "Urkel has gone gangster," "What the hell do you know about cars?" "You were off the hizzle," "Damn man," "Get a clue," "Freaking," "Pimp juice," "Tramp," "Hootchie," "Chicken head," "Little biscuit head," "Pimp, pimp, hurray," "Work like hell," "Get off your ass," "Damn proud of you" and "You are a freak."
Several minor/miscellaneous characters have tattoos (one on the small of her back), while Paris has a navel stud, another one has a nose stud and another character has one just above the chin.
Paris and others wear midriff-revealing tops.
A guy cracks open an egg and drops its contents down into his mouth.
A man on a TV exercise program repeatedly states "Kick him in the nuts" while doing his routine.
Alvin's friends wonder if he and Paris "did it." When he replies, "Do what?" Walter says "it" and then does some pelvic thrusts in the air.
Alvin adopts a cool hip-hop look, attitude and demeanor.
Alvin fixes a car problem by removing a condom from its wrapper and wrapping it around something under the hood.

JUMP SCENES: None.

MUSIC (SCARY/TENSE): None.

MUSIC (INAPPROPRIATE): A song has lyrics about a tushie and whether the singer can touch and rub it. There's also a line about incredible sex. Another has the line "Ain't a damn thing," and another "Shake my booty." A song has the lyric, "Do the humpty-hump" while a guy doing an open mic rap has lines about losing his virginity. Another song has a line about a rum and coke, while another has the word "ass" in it.
Some songs have lyrics that we couldn't hear or understand, thus presenting the possibility of them potentially containing additional objectionable material.

PROFANITY: At least 3 slang terms for sex ("did it" and "get some"), 2 for female genitals ("kitty cat"), 1 for male genitals ("little rascal"), 1 for breasts ("boobies"), 10 asses (1 used with "hole"), 9 damns, 8 hells and 1 use of "Oh my God."

SEX/NUDITY: Some may view the content in this category as extreme due to the quantity of it.
We see a young woman in very small shorts (from behind).
We see Paris and others in skimpy attire at a pool party (showing various amounts of cleavage and other skin).
When his friends spot Alvin starring at Paris, one of them comments that Alvin clearly isn't masturbating enough, prompting Walter to say that's not his problem.
Walter comments something about fat booties to rub on.
A young woman suggestively asks Paris' NBA boyfriend, Dru, if he feels like popping a cork (while holding a bottle of champagne, but said as a double entendre).
When Paris asks what Alvin wants in return for him fixing her car, he doesn't answer and she angrily wonders if he thinks she's a "cheap ho." He replies that it has nothing to do with sex. When she finally agrees to the proposition, she tells him that he better not be thinking about sex or looking at her "booty." He then has a slip of the tongue when he agrees and repeats "No booty-licking" and then says, "Looking."
We see Alvin dancing in his bedroom in his boxers.
Clarence tells his son Alvin that no woman can resist the motion of the ocean (referring to a waterbed as he does some pelvic thrusts).
Clarence decides it's time to give Alvin his fatherly sex talk and thus empties a box containing a variety of wrapped condoms on him. He then proceeds to describe different types, saying they come in different sizes and colors, including a "super-size" one that's the prophylactic Cadillac. He says another type is extra sensitive, but then tells Alvin he probably won't need it the first time around.
Alvin's friends wonder if he and Paris "did it." When he replies, "Do what?" Walter says "it" and then does some pelvic thrusts in the air.
Paris and other cheerleaders show varying amounts of cleavage and then do a sexualized cheer routine in their skimpy outfits (while the camera briefly pans across their clothed butts). Alvin's friends stare at them (one with binoculars) and Walter tries to sound mature by stating that what they're looking at are just breasts and bottoms.
Clarence tells Alvin that what he wants to talk about is "who you're getting into." He then adds, "You'll need more than that if you want to scratch that kitty cat." He then continues his condom education, telling Alvin that nothing kills the mood more than struggling to open a condom wrapper and putting the "raincoat on your little rascal." He then tells Alvin that he needs to practice opening a condom (but with just one hand) and then shows him how, ending up flipping some condoms onto Alvin. He then has Alvin practice putting by putting one on a bottle. He then tells Alvin about using music to put a woman in the mood and another comment about scratching the "kitty cat." He then goes on about "she wants you now" and then something about letting her slide up on the kitchen (while acting out some sexual moves that eventually send Alvin running from the room). Alvin's mother then sees what Clarence has been up to (he says that the boy is "gonna get some") and then gets into the mood when she hears the music from their past (she playfully meows at him).
Alvin accidentally shoots mouthwash spray into his eyes, briefly blinding himself. He then reaches out and accidentally grabs Paris' mom's clothed breasts when she answers the door.
Alvin fixes a car problem by removing a condom from its wrapper and wrapping it around something under the hood.
Miscellaneous young women show cleavage.
When Paris thinks that Alvin is getting too full of himself in his new image, she tells him, "You're starting to feel yourself too much." He's embarrassed and wonders if Walter told her that (masturbation innuendo).
Paris and Alvin talk about something they've been avoiding all day that they might want to do. One asks how they should do it and the other replies, "Just do it." It turns out she was thinking kissing (and/or possibly sex) while he was just talking about how to break up at school.
Alvin's friends talk about the car they're working on and possible dates in it, saying they'll need the whole back seat and that girls will let them do something once they see the car.
Yvonne shows a lot of cleavage.
Yvonne comes on to Alvin in his car and lowers the front of her dress to him, showing off her bra and more cleavage. She later comments on showing them to Alvin (we don't see anything more than just listed), all while she and others are dressed in scanty and tight attire in a locker room.
Alvin types a computer message to others (we see it in reverse and thus didn't have time to make out what's being typed), but he tells his friends that it was like a Penthouse letter and says that they know what it's like being buck naked with a cutie.
Yvonne shows a lot of cleavage in her swimsuit, while other young women in bikinis also show cleavage and skin.
Paris comments that a young woman Alvin suddenly likes has given more rides than Greyhound. That girl then dances with Alvin and bends over, grinding her rear at or on his clothed crotch (and the camera briefly focuses on her butt).
We hear sexual sounds and then see a young woman coming on to Alvin in a secluded part of the beach. There's some heavy breathing and she asks, "Do you really care about me?" Moments later, we briefly see her on top of him (no nudity), but they're interrupted and nothing else happens.
Dru tells his friends (about him cheating on Paris while away) "What goes on the road stays on the road."
We see Paris in her bikini bottom.
We see several shots of Paris (on her bed and then standing) in either her panties or some very small and tight shorts.
Alvin tells his dad that he won't need any more condoms, as he probably won't be using any from now on.
Paris and other cheerleaders show more cleavage.
A student who looks like a drag queen sits next to Chuck at a basketball game (where young women sit next to his friends).
Alvin and Paris do some passionate kissing while standing and then he then briefly puts his hand on her butt (in her cheerleader outfit).

SMOKING: None.

TENSE FAMILY SCENES: None.

TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT: Trying to be popular and/or someone who you're not, just to fit in with others.
Paris lies to her parents about taking out their SUV while they're gone, ends up wrecking it and then races to fix it before they get home a few days later.
Alvin adopts a cool hip-hop look, attitude and demeanor.
Alvin doesn't have time for his old friends once he becomes popular.
The comment that popularity is a job, not a privilege.

VIOLENCE: A jock pushes Walter against a locker.
A jock smashes a pizza into Alvin's face.
Alvin falls from a tree, but we don't see the impact and he's okay.
Alvin accidentally shoots mouthwash spray into his eyes, briefly blinding himself.
A young woman and Paris take turns pushing Alvin down to the ground.
Ted confronts Alvin's friends at a basketball game, blames them for the team losing and orders that they move. That ends when Alvin stands up to Ted and Walter then grabs Ted around the neck.

Reviewed November 19, 2003 / Posted December 12, 2003

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