Two months later, Shane is ready to return to his normal SEAL duties, but Capt. Bill Fawcett (CHRIS POTTER) informs him of a new mission. While he accompanies Howard's widow, Julie (FAITH FORD), overseas to open a safe-deposit box that may contain the missing satellite program, Shane is to protect her five kids and see if the program might be hidden somewhere inside the house. Considering his background and the fact that the family's nanny, Helga (CAROL KANE), is still there, Shane figures this will be an easy assignment.

Yet, his training hasn't prepared him for the teenage attitudes of Julie's oldest kids, Zoe (BRITTANY SNOW) and Seth (MAX THIERIOT), dealing with their younger siblings, Lulu (MORGAN YORK) and Peter (KEEGAN & LOGAN HOOVER), or the prospect of changing Baby Tyler's (BO AND LUKE VINK) diaper. The kids balk at his strict rules, Helga eventually leaves, and the neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Chun (DENIS AKIYAMA and MUNG-LING TSUI) don't approve of the loud and obtrusive security devices he's installed at the house.

Things aren't any better at school. While Principal Claire Fletcher (LAUREN GRAHAM) allows him to be there to protect the kids, Vice Principal Murney (BRAD GARRETT) -- who actively dislikes Seth, particularly when he quits the wrestling team -- is another matter. As he tries to deal with him and come to some sort of agreeable arrangement with the kids, Shane tries to find the missing satellite program, all while dealing with a pair of masked ninjas who are looking for the same.

I don't recall seeing such a device in the latest "family" comedy, "The Pacifier," despite the presence of one such infant. There is, however, a certain "wrestling" move of the same name where the film's hero - Navy SEAL turned family babysitter Vin Diesel -- places the huge and meaty hands of Brad Garrett into his obnoxious vice-principal character's boorish mouth.

More of a stuff-it and shut up, demeaning move than a pacifying one, the technique is the appropriately symbolic antithesis of the title since this is an incredibly violent, albeit PG-rated film that is far more likely to rile up young viewers than put them into any sort of calm mode. In fact, the quantity and degree of such material makes one long for the slapstick shenanigans of "Home Alone" that now seem quite tame and quaint in comparison to the mayhem on display here.

Sure, there's the obligatory crotch impact moments -- including a bite from a family duck that's seemingly present solely for that purpose. Yet, there's also a helicopter blown from the sky, the just off-screen assassination of the main father figure (along with another man) and more than copious amounts of the villains threatening the hero and even the kids with all sorts of weaponry.

Yee-hah! Round up the kids, fill 'em with sugar, get 'em in the mini van and head off to see the fun. Yes, children's entertainment is often violent and has been for years (think of the old Road Runner cartoons, for instance). Even so, it just seems more than a bit gratuitous and unnecessary here. As does the overall movie.

In yet the latest wave of films featuring childless or just overwhelmed and ill-prepared adults suddenly being in charge of alien beings to them -- those being the kids -- we're treated to the same sort of material that's been on display in films ranging from "Three Men and a Baby" up through "Kindergarten Cop" and the recent "Are We There Yet?

The humor, of course, much as was the case with that Schwarzenegger film, is supposed to stem from the contrast between the adult and the kids. And the greater that contrast, the greater the humor, at least in theory. The problem -- that's all too apparent here -- is that the laughs require a smart script and a gifted comedian in terms of the adult and their reaction to what occurs.

Unfortunately, neither is available here. When not killing off or otherwise having some of his characters beaten, director Adam Shankman ("Bringing Down the House," "A Walk to Remember") -- who works from an awfully lame script by Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant (the equally bad "Taxi") -- goes through the standard material for a film like this. The gruff hero is emasculated in various ways until his natural resourcefulness comes through. And when that's not occurring, the scatological material literally and figuratively flies off the screen. After watching all of the poop, vomit and raw sewage, I felt the urgent need for an industrial strength antiseptic.

Without a smart, clever, or funny script to support him, Diesel ("The Chronicles of Riddick," "XXX"), an already limited actor to begin with, hasn't a prayer of making his character or the overall film work. Unlike Schwarzenegger or especially Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (as he proves in "Be Cool"), Diesel doesn't have the comedic chops, edge or timing to generate any sort of laughs. Sure, he looks exasperated at all of the right moments, but that's about it.

He looks golden, however, compared to Brad Garrett (TV's "Everybody Love Raymond") who goes so over the top with his boorish vice-principal character that he's in a class all by himself. I'm assuming someone thought he was funny (maybe it's because he's so big and potentially intimidating that no one was brave enough to report the dearth of laughs), but trust me, he's not.

The same holds true for the quintet of young performers assembled to play the kids and supposedly appeal to all age groupings of those under 18. Of course, with such a lame script, they don't have the chance to do anything with their characters.

Ditto for Carol Kane ("Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen," "The Princess Bride") as the immigrant nanny with the "funny" accent and Faith Ford (TV's "Hope & Faith") as the kids' widowed mother (who isn't grieving very much for just having had her husband whacked and now being the lone breadwinner). Lauren Graham ("Bad Santa," "Sweet November") is present as the obligatory budding love interest, but experiences a similarly bad film fate like the rest.

Some kids may laugh at all of the crude humor, slapstick mayhem and more, but do you really want to subject them to all of the bad filmmaking and wanton violence that's on display here? Yes, "Kindergarten Cop" had some of the latter, but it was a PG-13 film, and it had better talent both in front of and behind the camera. Upon hearing that I was going to see this film, a friend joked that it should have been called "The Binky." I think a better title would have been "The Big Stinky." The film rates as a 2 out of 10.