"MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D" (2009) (Jensen Ackles, Jaime King) (R)
If you've come from our parental review of this film and wish to return to it, simply click on your browser's BACK button.
Otherwise, use the following link to read our complete Parental Review of this film.
QUICK TAKE:
Horror: Residents of a small mining town must contend with a number of grisly murders that seem far too similar to those that occurred there a decade earlier.
PLOT:
In the mining town of Harmony, tragedy struck ten years ago when Tom Hanniger (JENSEN ACKLES), the inexperienced son of the local coal mine owner, caused an accident that killed various people and left one miner, Harry Warden (RICH WALTERS), in a coma. When he came out of that a year later, Harry went on a murderous spree of revenge, with Tom, his girlfriend Sarah (JAIME KING), and her friends Irene (BETSY RUE) and her boyfriend Axel (KERR SMITH) surviving thanks to the work of Sheriff Burke (TOM ATKINS) and Deputy Hinch (BINGO O'MALLEY).
Despite Harry reportedly being killed, Tom disappeared until now, when he unexpectedly returns following the death of his estranged father, with plans of selling the mine. That doesn't sit well with mine official Ben (KEVIN TIGHE) or many of the locals, including Burke and Hinch who've since retired and been replaced by Axel and his deputy, Martin (EDI GATHEGI). Despite having an affair with grocery store worker, Megan (MEGAN BOONE), Axel isn't happy to see Tom either, especially since Axel is now married to Sarah with a kid.
Things become more complicated when it seems that Harry has returned from the grave, as a number of murders -- committed with a mining pickax -- start occurring again. With most everyone thinking that and Tom's return seems more than coincidental, Axel tries to find out who's responsible as the bodies start piling up and Sarah finds herself torn between her husband and her past flame.
OUR TAKE: 3 out of 10
Our new reviewing policy for films that aren't shown in advance to critics is that we'll only provide a paragraph or two about the film's artistic merits or, more accurately, lack thereof. After all, life is too short to spend any more effort than that on a movie that even the releasing studio knows isn't any good (which is why they hid it from reviewers before its release).
A remake of the 1981 film of the same name (which was an opportunistic rip-off and knockoff of "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" that preceded it by a few years), the film is only notable for its 3-D effects (and more theaters than not will only be showing it in 2-D).
Otherwise, it's just another in a long line of mind-numbing and not particularly scary boogeyman-based slasher flicks, with the blood, guts and T&A amped up to take advantage of the 3-D views. Unfortunately, the lame dialogue and mediocre to bad acting don't even try going into camp, thus preventing any inkling of falling into the realm of being a guilty pleasure. "My Bloody Valentine 3-D" rates as a 3 out of 10 (and even less than that if viewed in just two dimensions).
Reviewed January 16, 2009 / Posted January 16, 2009
![[Logo]](/images/screenit_logo2.jpg){kind=logo}
